Funny Science Quotes:
“When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.”
“H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water”
“When you smell an odourless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide”
“Nitrogen is not found in Tibet because it is not found in a free state.”
“Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.”
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A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, “Are you going to San Diego?”
“Sure,” answered the blonde, “do you need a lift?”
“Not for me. I’ll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I’ve got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They’re a bit stressed already so I don’t want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I’ll give you $100 for your trouble.”
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Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick’s Day.
Mick, the bartender says, “You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy”.
Paddy replies “Right Mick, I’ll be on my way then.” Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off & falls flat on his face. “Shoyte” he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face again. “Shoite, Shoite!” He knows if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he’ll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the pavement and falls flat on his face. “Be’Jayses… I’m fockin’ focked”. He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up and shimmies inside. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door, then to the bed and says “Fock it” and manages to crawl into bed.
The next morning his wife comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, “Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?”.
Paddy says, “That I did. I was fockin’ p*ssed. But how’d you know?” “Mick the barman just phoned me . . . you left your wheelchair at the pub.”
All Over in Four Minutes
A man and his wife are watching a Mike Tyson boxing match on pay-per-view TV. The husband sighs and says, “I’m so disappointed! It was all over in four minutes. What a rip-off!!”
The wife replies, “Good! Now you know how I feel.”
Are they relative of yours ?
A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.
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Jasmeet caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.
Jasmeet : “What are you searching for?”
Santa : “Hidden camera!”
Jasmeet : “And what makes you think that there are hidden camera here?”
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